18GoodGuy
“18GoodGuy” joined the Army in 2013 as a 37F, and went to the SFQC in 2021-2022. He is currently on active duty as an 18C with 10th Special Forces Group.
Follow him on Instagram @18goodguy and visit his website www.18goodguy.com/the-goodguy-mission.
The Lighthouse
It would seem that many members of the military, SOF and non-SOF alike, (and for that matter, non-military folks as well) are drifting in circles in the same lonely harbor; alcoholism, suicide, infidelity, and a general disregard for improvement of the “software” of warriorhood. It is encouraged and mandated to PT, as it rightly should be. But, what about mental fitness? Spiritual fitness? We have lost our way entirely and have allowed the foundations of our righteous base to not only be eroded, but wholesale replaced with “goon” culture.
I myself have fallen victim to it from time to time. Sleeping around with myriad women, getting blackout drunk with ‘friends’ (drinking partners of circumstance), and the assumption of an ego-driven stance against the ‘shitheads’ of the world. The one thing I’m incredibly fortunate for is that I have not dealt with any self-harmful ideations. If you are, please reach out to someone. However, most of these dispositions are well-known to me. And they drive each other in a cyclic manner. Our line of work is stressful. A few drinks will help, right? Well, that loosens inhibitions. Then that hot stranger at a bar who’s been staring all night seems like the perfect release for the evening. Then that guy that bumped into you seems like he’s a real good target to get out some of your anger.
Play this weekend out on repeat for years alongside similar archetypes who do nothing but bitch and moan about the absolute idiocy of the organization (a sentiment I also share), and then utilize these EXTREMELY poor coping mechanisms to practice some fragment of escape, and you have the perfect recipe for crippling depression, substance dependency, psychological self-harm, and the propensity to keep trying to escape it all. It’s no wonder the military is in such a state.
Thank God I never made these habits commonplace and have been fortunate enough to have kept them occasional in my life. But I empathize with the general appeal; due to the ease of access, and lack of interpersonal accountability for the negative consequences. My personal vices were food and women. I have suffered no addiction to substance; only to the comforts of taste and (a half-assumed version of) validation. I ballooned to nearly 300lbs. at around 42% BF. I should have, by all rights, been kicked out of the military.
But my leaders saw something in me. I saw something in myself. Everyone has the
potential for something within them. But it took the realization that if I could find no good examples around me, then I must become the example myself. And becoming the example is COSTLY. You will lose “friends”, you will lose some sense of the purpose you thought you had, and you will “lose out” on all of those “fun” experiences that numbed you in your prior life. But, you will also lose bad habits. You will lose the poorer pieces of yourself that most could only wish to kill within their lifetimes. You already know what you should be doing. Yet oftentimes, you CHOOSE not to do it, as it is a difficult choice to make. It is much easier to side with comfort and the slight nag of a poor choice in the short term. It is easy to say yes to the temporary feel-good and no tor the temporary struggle, and hard to say yes to the temporary struggle in the hopes of obtaining the long-term feel-good. But what about the compounding effects of all of those poor choices in the long term? Poor choices lead to poor courses. But The Path is always just one step ahead of you, if you would but turn to it.
You will stumble, fail, fuck it all up, and get back on The Path again. You will be as a rowboat alone at sea, searching for the lighthouse; somewhere to port yourself, from which you can successfully navigate this life. But after years, thousands of miles run, thousands of times saying “no thank you” to the substances and advances you’ve had pushed your way, thousands of reps in the gym, thousands of days of struggle and sweat and blood and questions to the almighty, you’ll make the realization that you yourself have become the lighthouse you once sought.
Those people who one resented you for leaving them behind to wallow in their sufferance, will now seek you out for the template. YOU will hold the key to the archetypal success they seek. You have been good not only to yourself, but to others in the process. You no longer succumb to the easy wrong and choose the often very difficult right. You are faithful to others, faithful to ideals, and faithful to your word. And they now want to be like you. YOU are the example you sought.
The cultural maladies of the military cannot be spelled out in a single document, nor even a single volume. And their root-causes lie both within the military system and within the influences of society as a whole. To study them would be to dedicate a lifetime to understanding the intricacies of how they formed. BUT, much easier than that is studying and proliferating their antidote: that we already know what the right answer looks like. We already know that the strongest version of you (physically, mentally, morally, AND spiritually) is the most capable, most effective, and most AFFECTIVE version of you. So, why not start today? Why not charge headlong towards that ideal? Why not ELIMINATE the terrifying prospect of growing old and saying, “I wish I could have”?
In coming up short of our own ideal version of ourselves, we may find that we have built an excellent version of ourselves that is absolutely someone worth admiring and being proud of. And in this pursuit, you have created an inherent purpose. No man can improve himself that does not also improve those around him in turn.
Leave all things slightly better by your having come into contact with them in the course of this grand and marvelous life. Become the lighthouse. GO CRUSH.
Love,
GoodGuy
The Leaders Huddle 